Why are children so demanding?

Last week I listened to a short article on the radio about biological imperatives. This explained that human children are genetically programmed to want, desire and demand far more than they need. This was due to the fact that human parents in past eras had to divide their offerings among many children and to face difficult circumstances, including lack of food and material belongings. Thus the ‘survival of the fittest’ in human terms meant a genetic requirement to seek to have more of the share of what the family had to offer - to always want more that can be on offer. Therefore making increasing demands, regardless of what is given, is inbuilt in the child’s DNA.

In the year 2014 this nature continues, and children will make demands based on their needs, but also their desires and in our global world, what they perceive others might have. This is their human nature. To learn to be great human adults they will have to learn at some point that their expectations are higher than can be reasonably met and that it is fine to want something they can’t have – it is part of life. However,  the problem has been somewhat turned on its heads by a culture that creates guilt in parents who feel they need to keep up with demands, or at least with the neighbours, and offer more and more to their children. Biology tells us that the demands will never end, so we need to find ways to manage expectations and realise that the most important word a child can hear in the right context is NO.

During Christmas the fever of expectation can reach a peak – so a few suggestions to help: enable your child to desire something for someone else – let them choose presents with you for other people. Give them the responsibility, a budget and a hint list, and encourage them to keep within its boundaries. Help your child to manage delayed gratification – let them want something they cannot have immediately, perhaps they have to save up for it, or do tasks to earn it. Make your promises realistic too – children will love your time, and if you can organise it then it can be given freely – without the need for bought entertainment. Most children would love a walk around the park with you listening to them, and an ice cream or a hot chocolate if they can choose. Even a library visit can prove useful by ticking the educational box at the same time. Above all, when you say no, mean it. Demanding children will in time become demanding teenagers (rude) and demanding adults (lonely) – the power is in your hands!