Thursday 18 December 2014

What can we do to fill the days?

As we approach this Christmas Season I have rewritten a previous blog with some recommendations for what you can do to keep your children’s brains ticking over while you all enjoy yourselves during the holiday season.

In the past I have referred to maths games, listening games and reading skills. However, for real family time why not turn your thoughts to history and geography?  There are many great places for family visits, such as Hampton Court Palace, museums in London (free admission to those), and art galleries. Websites will inform you of special exhibitions and of discount events, and travelling on the train often gives you two for one offers on prices – pick up the leaflets in the station to see what is available at low cost.  

To make the experience particularly educational don’t focus on the event, instead over-involve your children in the planning. Train schedules, car parks, ticket prices, choice of visit, maps of venues and making a timetable for the day can all be worked out together. Children love to be trusted to organise events and will be proud to show you their skills. Learning experiences work best in the shape of an enjoyable experiences; counting cash and sorting change on a shopping trip is the point of learning mathematics – it is what number work is for, so gather a bag of coins to use on the day (in my family we lovingly call this the purse of gold!).

Allowing children to choose and make decisions is also developing an essential skill. Buying them books is not quite the experience that being allowed to browse and choose them is. Don’t forget the public library either, a great cheap and fruitful outing. Direct your children to the non-fiction sections of the library, children love history and will be fascinated by how other lived. I remember spending hours learning about ancient Egyptians, just for fun, during one Christmas – my poor mother had to take me back to the library every two days to swap the books as I swallowed them whole. Maps are also a great source of discussion… plan a walk using a local area map, or see if you have a local heritage trail… and keep talking as you go because discussion helps children to understand more than they will take in for themselves. There are good apps to help – I use viewranger, which has all the paths marked for my local common and lots more. And there is great joy to be found in an unfolded OS map. Even a walk in the park (walking allows for far more observation than a car journey) or around the neighbourhood can be filled with discussions about what can be seen. Can you and your children name and recognise 5 types of trees or breeds of dog? Which Christmas decorations do they like as they pass them? This is especially lovely after tea at this time of year once it is dark and lights are twinkling – and the added bonus of technology free time to talk to your children.

If you have lots of children and the possibility of childcare, try making an individual plan for a special and different day out for each child – children like few things more than a day of their parent’s undivided attention. My own mother took me to see the Tutankhamen exhibition on my own because of my Egyptian obsession and I have never forgotten the pleasure of that exhibition or the delight of a day out with her by myself. She recently admitted to me that she remembered every minute of that day, it was one of her most treasured memories too. 

So keep busy - and Christmas blessings to you all.


Why are children so demanding?

Last week I listened to a short article on the radio about biological imperatives. This explained that human children are genetically programmed to want, desire and demand far more than they need. This was due to the fact that human parents in past eras had to divide their offerings among many children and to face difficult circumstances, including lack of food and material belongings. Thus the ‘survival of the fittest’ in human terms meant a genetic requirement to seek to have more of the share of what the family had to offer - to always want more that can be on offer. Therefore making increasing demands, regardless of what is given, is inbuilt in the child’s DNA.

In the year 2014 this nature continues, and children will make demands based on their needs, but also their desires and in our global world, what they perceive others might have. This is their human nature. To learn to be great human adults they will have to learn at some point that their expectations are higher than can be reasonably met and that it is fine to want something they can’t have – it is part of life. However,  the problem has been somewhat turned on its heads by a culture that creates guilt in parents who feel they need to keep up with demands, or at least with the neighbours, and offer more and more to their children. Biology tells us that the demands will never end, so we need to find ways to manage expectations and realise that the most important word a child can hear in the right context is NO.


During Christmas the fever of expectation can reach a peak – so a few suggestions to help: enable your child to desire something for someone else – let them choose presents with you for other people. Give them the responsibility, a budget and a hint list, and encourage them to keep within its boundaries. Help your child to manage delayed gratification – let them want something they cannot have immediately, perhaps they have to save up for it, or do tasks to earn it. Make your promises realistic too – children will love your time, and if you can organise it then it can be given freely – without the need for bought entertainment. Most children would love a walk around the park with you listening to them, and an ice cream or a hot chocolate if they can choose. Even a library visit can prove useful by ticking the educational box at the same time. Above all, when you say no, mean it. Demanding children will in time become demanding teenagers (rude) and demanding adults (lonely) – the power is in your hands!