This week it
was my great pleasure to take Senior Girls’ assembly, from Year 7 – sixth form.
Usually more used to speaking to children aged three to eleven, I decided the
best way forward was a thought for the day, and here it is:
Before I give you my
thought for the day, I’m going to start with some thoughts about what is cool.
You might look at me and wonder what I know about being cool, but I do know
quite a bit, mostly because I asked a lot of Year 9s to share their ideas with
me.
Things were different in
my youth. When I was at school ballroom dancing was the least cool thing ever.
Shirts with ruffles were
sought after in the shops.
Short skirts were
considered unfashionable. I remember hooking an elastic band around the button
on my uniform skirt so that it could be worn as low slung as possible over my
hips to make it fall well below the knee. The nuns in my school were literally
chasing us about saying: “Roll that skirt over at the top it is too long!”
I was lamentably uncool in
those days because I couldn't hang on to what was fashionable. By the time I
had persuaded my mum to buy me the yellow cotton jacket that I had been going
on about for months, it was considered last season, and I looked ridiculous
again.
If there is one hard and
fast rule about fashion it is that parents just don’t get it.
When I was at school
various subjects were cool at different times. I’m not at all clear looking
back what that was based upon, but I chose to do art because it was cool, even
though I was not terribly good at it. I chose it because the cool girls did it.
I didn’t choose music, which given how much time I now spend composing and
performing might have been a bit short sighted, but nobody I knew was doing
music so it wasn’t cool.
And that in a nutshell is
the problem with cool. It is all based around what someone else thinks.
The Year 9 girls I spoke
to (thank you - I will stick by the promise of anonymity - I know it is not cool to have spoken to the
Head of the Prep School) gave me some insight.
So these girls told me
that cool is about someone really popular choosing something and everyone else
following. Only you must not follow too obviously because that is not cool.
Followers are not cool, so keeping up has to be done subtly.
I’m told that being cool
is often about gossiping or rejecting other people, if they don’t do things
that are cool. You can’t be cool if you are not on Facebook or if you dislike X
Factor, or if even by mistake you somehow express an interest in the wrong
thing.
You cannot be cool in the
wrong clothes, even if you can’t afford what is cool or fashionable and it isn’t
your fault. The worst thing about cool is that it changes all the time and it
is difficult to keep up if you accidentally look away for a minute. I’m told
this has impact on what clubs and activities are chosen, on which friends it is
possible to have. It makes decisions difficult because you have to carefully
check-up whether or not it will affect your cool rating.
Being cool can therefore be
expensive, cruel and stressful as well as a source of pleasure. It can take
away from friendship, because if you say too much, or you are enthusiastic
about the wrong thing, or you make the ‘wrong’ choice over something unfashionable,
you can find yourself cast away from the group and you will risk not belonging.
Some people, with the wrong accessories or hair-cuts might just never have a
chance to be cool at school.
I’m told that some people
want to stick out from everyone else by being different. Different is cool as
long as it sticks to certain rules. To be cool it has to have a particular style
of its own, and never just be a little bit out of step.
I have been told that to appear
to be clever is not particularly cool. And to be seen to enjoy school things is
not cool unless it is drama or pop music - and fashion is important. It is
apparently cool to be good at certain things if you are in a team for something
or an award winner, but just to be good at something, or to enjoy it, just
because you do, is somehow not supposed to be enough. Everyone I spoke to said
they wished that this was not the case, because they all had ambitions and they
wanted to do well in class, but didn’t always feel strong enough to stand up
for themselves. Many had interests they couldn’t follow or express because it
wouldn’t be seen as cool. One girl said that the worst thing she could think of
was to be a “stick out”. When I got to this point in my discussions I began to
feel really quite sad. I felt sad for people struggling to be cool, as if being
cool really mattered.
So I want to share just a
tiny secret with you all.
I am in fact, secretly,
the coolest person I know. I love choral music, especially sacred music, and I
sing at every chance I get, including in my church choir, which is not the best choir I have ever sung with, although the people are genuinely nice and incredibly welcoming. I don't do pop music. I like the kind of folk music that people have to
wear woolly jumpers to sing, and with instruments that nobody has been making
for the last two hundred years. And I've probably never heard of half the things you
like. I am studying my third degree at university just for fun. I never wear
make-up. I look this good naturally.
I like polishing shoes and
gathering free firewood from the common, and I’m not bothered if you think that makes me weird.
I like loud shirts and
patterned socks and pretty much anything that is purple. My idea of a really
good time is a 4 hour Sunday lunch at my own table with old friends, most of
whom are actually old, or spending a day reading
about other people’s assorted views on education or life, or just walking on the common near my home in any weather just soaking up the great outdoors.
These are not the things
that make me cool.
What makes me cool to most
of the adults I know is that I am genuinely happy, and I have learnt that following
my own paths, doing what I think is right and good, is something that fills me
with joy and delight. I’m not talking about being selfish, or deliberately
being different: I don't have much interest in making a fashion statement. I'm
talking about accepting my place in the world, seeing my talents for what they
are and being kind and compassionate and helpful to other people. I may be
rather old fashioned, but it suits me. I thank God every day for the good
things I have, and for being able to be myself. I like to think I have found places where I belong, such as this school. It is actually comforting not
to be the centre of the universe.
What makes me cool in my
own eyes is that I work hard at my job, which I love, and that I can honestly
not care or even think about what makes me ‘on trend’. So I can spend proper
time thinking about what I can do that helps other people, or makes me a better
person. I have many wonderful valued and trusted close friends. I look after 300 small children every day and they trust me. I have
many friends in and out of school, and they know they can rely on me,
especially to make them laugh, or to look after them in a crisis. I have things
I am good at and that I’m able to spend time enjoying, such as cooking and
gardening, singing, running the staff prayer group, and I am realistic about
them. That still doesn’t stop me enjoying a few things I am not good at, such
as crosswords, painting and cricket. I also know which things are best left to
other people.
I learnt a new word this
weekend. And this word is cool:
'Firgun' is a Hebrew word, meaning taking pleasure in someone
else's success or good fortune. It is almost the opposite of what we have come
to understand as cool, but I hope it will mean something to you.
My thought for today is
that I think that the world would be a far better place if we all operated on
Firgun rather than cool.
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