Why shouldn't I quit?

“Oh, I’ve quit,” is one of the most disheartening, and sadly one of the most common things that teachers have to hear from their pupils. Usually it is in regard to a voluntary club or activity, which the teacher has given up time to organise, and which the child is at liberty to join or to leave at will, but sometimes it is about reading a book, undertaking a project or belonging to a group. No child would be pushed into continuing indefinitely with an activity (especially if causing misery or proving to be too difficult) but the casualness of taking activities on that become superseded by other ones on a shifting and regular basis needs careful thought and management. We live in an era of choices, of trying things for size and of changing our minds based on a whim. Whilst it may not be wise to take on things such as learning an expensive instrument untried, there is a balance, and all of life cannot be simply based on what we feel like doing today, and not doing tomorrow. This is also important if we are to have due regard and respect for the other people involved in the activity, and the leader or coach who spends time and effort organising it, and putting aside time for others rather than putting themselves first.

On the radio this morning I heard about a cathedral that was cutting its professional choir by a third to save money. As I know something about music I realised before the presenter did that the choir would be unable to perform adequately and would soon be thought of as something that was not successful enough to warrant existing at all. It set me off thinking about commitment, because keeping up any activities in the school where I am Head is a juggling act of keeping pupils focused and on task, enjoying themselves and understanding their contribution to the whole. Not every second can be fun, but the collaboration, co-operation and learning that takes place in these activities is second to none, and is indeed often better training for being successful in the future than working under direction in lessons. Added to which orchestras, drama clubs, choirs, sports squads, training clubs, reading circles and even my own philosophy club cannot continue when each week another child sends a curt message saying: “I’ve quit”. New joiners are always welcome, but they cannot be encouraged and developed if the rest of the group fluctuates and there is a sliding scale of popularity week by week affecting whether the club is required or desired at all.

In my opinion commitment is one of the most important values we can share in life. Commitment holds the key to so many relationships in life: to our nearest and dearest, to the organisations we join and continue to support, to the jobs we undertake, to our work ethic, our interests, and to all of the other people we accompany on our day to day journeys. Some commitments are about obligation – tax returns and bills are commitments we cannot avoid – others are about the way we take our place in life, balancing the needs of the many societies and people with whom we circulate each day – and other commitments about our own choices and preferences. Commitment engenders trust and achievement, and this is something that makes life feel worthwhile. Commitment is the thing that enables belonging, purpose and friendship. It also plays a pivotal role in how other people view, judge and value us.

In my school the teachers have a commitment to the education of the children. They exercise this commitment in front of their classes, but also into the late hours spent planning, marking and organising for their lessons and in liaison with others for the purpose of sharing good practice and developing expertise. They develop committed relationships with the children in their care, on the one hand instructing, guiding and teaching and on the other the essential social and spiritual nurturing, and accompanying that helps children to grow. They create partnerships with parents so that children’s learning is holistic and backed up at home for consolidation. Beyond this each teacher has a commitment to the wellbeing of the children in the whole school and the care of each other. All staff run extra-curricular clubs (often several) to extend the educational experiences of the pupils, and all share in the daily duties in care of the children. They remain committed to the Mission of the school and to the future of each of the young people, regardless of how long or short lived that relationship might be. If it sounds grand and idealistic that is unapologetic: a commitment to a school and its pupils, especially in a faith environment, is not a light 8.30am – 4.10pm workday-only commitment in line with payment and contract, it is far more, encompassing heartfelt responsibility, generosity, compassion and sense of purpose. The teachers take great joy, pride and care in what they do.

Hopefully, with this level of care and commitment, and the love they receive in their families, children will grow up to understand that commitment is partly about duty, partly about contribution and partly about pleasure and enjoyment (often from the collaboration and team effort as much as from the thing itself).  Sometimes there is a great requirement for personal commitment in order to feed back into the activity, such as music practice or word learning, and although this may not be as much fun it is part of the whole. Thus doggedness, resilience, self-motivation, desire to complete things and a sense of personal achievement can all be earned and enhanced by developing an understanding of commitment.

So I cannot help but worry when I see so many children who believe that success means seeing results immediately, and thus failure is also instantaneous, and prefer to avoid commitment in case it should not bear fruit, or because it has not borne fruit soon enough. Many children want to participate in activities until it impacts on their social lives, so children “quit for this week” simply because they don’t fancy being included that day (a disaster for longer term goals that take week on week rehearsal such as concerts or matches). Other children only want to participate if the activity carries some kudos, so that a first team place is snatched with glee, but a place in squad is declined as unimportant, despite the fact that teams can only be made up from those who learn and improve through practising. Elite activities are good eventually, but nobody can become Leader of the Orchestra without years of training individually and in the back rows. 

I believe that loving conversations are the best way to help children understand their need to be committed, to discriminate between natural selfishness and proper decision making. Alongside this they need help to consider respect for others involved with them in their activities and the people who strive for their enjoyment and fulfilment by organising events for them. An extra week before “quitting” or being expected to speak to the person in charge themselves, to say why they wish to give up are also good ways to develop good manners and a sensible approach to participation. I probably suffer from an overdeveloped sense of duty, but with it has come deep satisfaction with having joined and benefited from many clubs and activities, including working through the boring or sticky patches and being able to participate happily even when I haven’t really been particularly good at whatever it is. I have also experienced great joy in wholehearted participation in many things, and the sense of camaraderie, achievement and friendship that has grown through trusting relationships is truly life enhancing. That is a life lesson for happiness I would dearly love to share with all of our children. Instead of, “I’ve quit it”, I would love to hear the children say, “I’ll stick with it!”